1 00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:02,664 Don't you see it? 2 00:00:02,766 --> 00:00:03,798 That little bump? 3 00:00:03,867 --> 00:00:05,166 Oh, I see it. 4 00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,337 There is no bump. You do not have a bump. 5 00:00:09,439 --> 00:00:11,072 It's nothing you should obsess over. 6 00:00:11,174 --> 00:00:12,974 - You have a great nose. - Mm-hmm. 7 00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:14,042 No, if you're gonna change something, 8 00:00:14,111 --> 00:00:16,077 - I would go with your lips. - Mom! 9 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,214 It's not her fault that she got my thin lips. 10 00:00:19,282 --> 00:00:21,182 If I had started juicing at her age, 11 00:00:21,284 --> 00:00:22,617 mm, my whole life would have been different. 12 00:00:22,686 --> 00:00:24,019 I could have been an MTV VJ. 13 00:00:24,087 --> 00:00:25,120 What's that? 14 00:00:25,188 --> 00:00:26,855 Oh, God, I've lived too long. [Sighs] 15 00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:29,090 It's Westport's plastic surgery season. 16 00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:30,658 People get their work done now 17 00:00:30,727 --> 00:00:32,927 so their scars heal before their Christmas pictures. 18 00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:35,697 I want to punch this entire town in the face. 19 00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:36,931 You don't need to, 20 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,834 nor should you, change anything about yourself. 21 00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:40,969 She is perfect. 22 00:00:41,071 --> 00:00:43,004 You got braces when you were Taylor's age. 23 00:00:43,073 --> 00:00:44,606 That's changing something. 24 00:00:44,674 --> 00:00:46,508 Mom, could I talk to you over here for a second? 25 00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:48,309 - I'm good. - Mnh-mnh. 26 00:00:50,747 --> 00:00:51,679 [Sighs] 27 00:00:51,748 --> 00:00:53,748 What the hell is wrong with you? 28 00:00:53,817 --> 00:00:55,517 I told you. I don't like my lips. 29 00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:58,153 Mom, you always put way too much focus on outward appearance, 30 00:00:58,221 --> 00:00:59,921 especially when I was growing up. 31 00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:02,223 It took me a very long time to unlearn it. 32 00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:03,124 Oh. 33 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,692 But you did. [Chuckles] 34 00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:07,562 I am trying very hard not to do that with my kids. 35 00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:08,930 And I don't need you coming in here 36 00:01:08,999 --> 00:01:11,466 and suggesting that they have plastic surgery! 37 00:01:11,568 --> 00:01:12,834 Fine. 38 00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:16,071 Raise them to love themselves no matter what they look like. 39 00:01:16,173 --> 00:01:18,006 I am not the bad parent here! 40 00:01:18,108 --> 00:01:21,910 KATIE: But I gotta hand it to her. She has kept it high and tight. 41 00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:25,046 00:02:13,294 - Oh! Did you see Andrew's calves? - How could I miss them? 58 00:02:13,396 --> 00:02:15,597 They're like two coconuts underneath a pair of Danskins. 59 00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:17,765 You know what's underrated? 60 00:02:17,868 --> 00:02:19,234 Being in proportion. 61 00:02:19,336 --> 00:02:21,569 Oliver, don't be jealous. 62 00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:24,439 There is nothing wrong with being flat-calved. 63 00:02:24,541 --> 00:02:26,007 [Both laugh] 64 00:02:26,109 --> 00:02:31,980 65 00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:37,986 66 00:02:38,088 --> 00:02:39,621 What's my desk doing in the foyer? 67 00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:40,788 The real question is 68 00:02:40,891 --> 00:02:42,457 what's wrong with you and your gene pool? 69 00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:44,025 You stuck me with flaccid calves! 70 00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,960 What are you talking about? 71 00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:48,730 I feel bad about taking over your office, you know? 72 00:02:48,832 --> 00:02:50,665 This way we each have our own space. 73 00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:56,604 These aren't the legs of a strong male dancer. 74 00:02:56,706 --> 00:02:58,907 These things belong in a Lady Bic commercial. 75 00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:08,383 I don't know what's happening! 76 00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:14,756 77 00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:17,358 Seasons are winter, spring, summer, and fall. 78 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:20,028 What kind of town has plastic surgery season? 79 00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:22,030 Oh, well, apparently Katie-complaining season 80 00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:23,064 - lasts year-round. - [Chuckles] 81 00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:24,332 Just to be clear, 82 00:03:24,434 --> 00:03:26,634 the point of Second Breakfast is to complain. 83 00:03:26,736 --> 00:03:27,936 Stop calling me out. 84 00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,771 Also, Greg's nose is whistling again. 85 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:30,849 Ew. 86 00:03:30,874 --> 00:03:32,540 Ooo, cake. 87 00:03:32,642 --> 00:03:34,709 Every day is cheat day when you're Katie Otto. 88 00:03:34,811 --> 00:03:35,910 [Chuckles] 89 00:03:35,979 --> 00:03:37,979 Look who I have here. 90 00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:39,514 Hi, Katie. 91 00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:40,648 Hi. 92 00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,617 Do I know you? 93 00:03:42,719 --> 00:03:43,551 You sure do. 94 00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:45,620 - It's me. It's Evelyn. - Ahhh! 95 00:03:45,722 --> 00:03:46,788 Evelyn...? 96 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,556 The fattest housewife in Westport Evelyn? 97 00:03:48,658 --> 00:03:49,857 Not anymore! 98 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,360 She got gastric bypass surgery. 99 00:03:52,429 --> 00:03:54,095 If she eats more than a thimble-full of food, 100 00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:55,063 she craps her pants, 101 00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:57,131 but boy, does she look good. 102 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,866 Why did you do this? 103 00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,301 Were there health issues? 104 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,404 No, I just, uh, wanted to be invited to parties. 105 00:04:03,506 --> 00:04:04,439 And it worked. 106 00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:05,807 [Both laugh] 107 00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:07,976 With Evelyn losing all this weight, 108 00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:09,277 you know what that makes you? 109 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,511 I do. 110 00:04:10,614 --> 00:04:12,380 The person who's gonna smash you over the head 111 00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:13,681 with this bottle of olive oil 112 00:04:13,783 --> 00:04:15,750 and then put flowers on your grave. 113 00:04:15,852 --> 00:04:16,718 Come on, Evelyn. 114 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:18,219 There's a new restaurant I want to try 115 00:04:18,321 --> 00:04:20,488 - that only serves smells. - Mmm. 116 00:04:21,524 --> 00:04:22,924 Oh, my God. Chloe's right. 117 00:04:23,026 --> 00:04:24,392 Thanks to plastic surgery season, 118 00:04:24,494 --> 00:04:27,495 I am now the fattest housewife in Westport. 119 00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:34,572 I can't believe Evelyn gave in to the peer pressure 120 00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,580 and had her stomach lassoed. 121 00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:38,950 They're definitely gonna get rid of the Chico's at the mall now. 122 00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:40,986 I can't keep that place in business on my own. 123 00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:42,715 You're not the one with the odd body. 124 00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:43,983 They are. 125 00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:45,685 Anyplace else, you're thin. In Canada you're a waif. 126 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:48,121 First of all, next trip, Canada. 127 00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:49,655 I don't know why I'm letting it bother me so much. 128 00:04:49,758 --> 00:04:51,991 I am comfortable with who I am. 129 00:04:52,093 --> 00:04:53,092 It's my superpower. 130 00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:54,293 What's my superpower? 131 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,895 You always pick the slowest checkout line. 132 00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:57,485 - Take that, Superman! - Ugh. 133 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,007 Look who got inspired to slim down! 134 00:05:00,109 --> 00:05:01,309 That is not what this is. 135 00:05:01,377 --> 00:05:02,877 I'm just hiding from my family. 136 00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,211 Well, I'm proud of you. 137 00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:05,746 I don't want you to be proud of me! 138 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,815 I am! 139 00:05:07,884 --> 00:05:09,684 [Sighs] 140 00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:11,185 I can't take walks with you anymore. 141 00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:14,422 People are going to think that I'm trying to exercise, 142 00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:16,457 and I don't want to give Chloe Brown Mueller 143 00:05:16,559 --> 00:05:18,959 or any of the rest of those crazy bitches the satisfaction. 144 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,295 It's absurd you would stop taking walks, which you enjoy, 145 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,597 just to spite someone who thinks you're trying to get healthy. 146 00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:24,598 Isn't that also giving in 147 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:26,901 to the Westport body image nonsense? 148 00:05:26,969 --> 00:05:28,102 I'm all over the place, Greg! 149 00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:29,904 You knew that when you married me. 150 00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:34,308 151 00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:35,476 [Sighs] 152 00:05:36,512 --> 00:05:37,745 She moved more of my stuff. 153 00:05:37,814 --> 00:05:38,813 This is ridiculous. 154 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,715 So just go to your office on campus. 155 00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,683 [Sighs] I would, but my assistant Grant is there... 156 00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:46,821 [Electronic whirring] 157 00:05:51,861 --> 00:05:54,261 Grant, wouldn't it be easier just to hand me the coffee? 158 00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:56,197 Sure, but not as fun! 159 00:05:56,299 --> 00:05:57,298 [Laughs] 160 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,699 [Chuckles awkwardly] 161 00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:01,268 You are the boss. 162 00:06:01,371 --> 00:06:03,437 Sit him down and tell him to be less annoying. 163 00:06:03,539 --> 00:06:04,839 I'm concerned if I confront him, 164 00:06:04,941 --> 00:06:06,841 he'll get all defensive and... 165 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:07,975 make things uncomfortable. 166 00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:09,810 Just tell your mom to stop moving my stuff. 167 00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:12,279 Greg, it's time that you do it yourself. 168 00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:14,348 Confrontations can be fun. 169 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,284 I can't go a week without four or five good confrontations. 170 00:06:17,353 --> 00:06:18,252 I've noticed. 171 00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:19,387 I could have done without 172 00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:20,988 the one about me getting butter in the jam jar. 173 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,124 Two knives, Greg. That's all I ask. 174 00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:25,726 WOMAN: ...Now that your lip liner is done, 175 00:06:25,795 --> 00:06:28,062 it's time to apply your liquid lipstick. 176 00:06:28,164 --> 00:06:28,963 Then... 177 00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:30,898 What are you guys doing? 178 00:06:32,702 --> 00:06:35,469 You two look absolutely ridiculous. 179 00:06:35,571 --> 00:06:37,538 What is that smell? 180 00:06:37,607 --> 00:06:39,039 It's called "Calf Blast." 181 00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,575 Guaranteed to blast your calves in twenty-four hours. 182 00:06:41,644 --> 00:06:43,577 Why are you blasting your calves? 183 00:06:43,646 --> 00:06:45,045 There's this new hot ballerino 184 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,680 who's been flaunting his bulging calves 185 00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:48,282 and Gina can't take her eyes off them. 186 00:06:48,351 --> 00:06:50,651 Your legs are fine... your lips are fine. 187 00:06:50,753 --> 00:06:52,219 We are all fine. 188 00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:53,721 A few crunches wouldn't kill your father. 189 00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:55,990 What are your feelings about boob jobs? 190 00:06:56,058 --> 00:06:57,958 A person who gets a boob job needs a brain job, 191 00:06:58,027 --> 00:06:59,493 because it's stupid. 192 00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:01,829 The women on "The Bachelor" who obviously have them 193 00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,497 I refuse to take seriously. 194 00:07:03,566 --> 00:07:04,698 I refuse to take seriously 195 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,000 a mother who takes moral stances 196 00:07:06,102 --> 00:07:07,168 based on "The Bachelor." 197 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:10,137 198 00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:12,006 What's so urgent Dr. Ellie had to call us in? 199 00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,574 I had to cancel my office hours to come here. 200 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:15,443 Hey, I have a job now, too. 201 00:07:15,545 --> 00:07:16,944 And I already figured out the two words 202 00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:18,512 that get me out of everything: 203 00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:19,914 - "lady problem." - [Chuckles] 204 00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,316 ...As of late, 205 00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:26,812 Anna-Kat has been uncharacteristically dismissive of me. 206 00:07:26,889 --> 00:07:28,488 [Dismissively] Yeah, yeah. 207 00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,921 Anna-Kat, you love Dr. Ellie. Why would you do that? 208 00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:31,927 Mama told me to. 209 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,028 I thought that'd be the answer, but I was hoping otherwise. 210 00:07:34,096 --> 00:07:36,831 Anna-Kat, I did not tell you to be dismissive of Dr. Ellie. 211 00:07:36,899 --> 00:07:37,798 [Sighs] 212 00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:40,134 Ohhh. 213 00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:42,970 You said people with fake boobs are not to be trusted. 214 00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,005 I never said that. 215 00:07:45,074 --> 00:07:47,575 I said they are not to be taken seriously. 216 00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:48,609 Which is different. 217 00:07:48,711 --> 00:07:49,510 Not really. 218 00:07:49,612 --> 00:07:50,811 I wasn't talking about you. 219 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,680 I was talking about stupid women 220 00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:55,115 who do it just to feel better about themselves. 221 00:07:55,218 --> 00:07:56,550 That's why I did it. 222 00:07:56,652 --> 00:07:58,252 Right, yes. 223 00:07:58,321 --> 00:07:59,954 - Greg? - No. 224 00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:01,789 225 00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,924 How can I possibly raise my kids in this town 226 00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,193 where everyone only values appearance? 227 00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:08,596 Taylor wants to change her lips, 228 00:08:08,664 --> 00:08:10,397 Oliver wants to change his calves, 229 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:11,665 and Dr. Ellie... 230 00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:14,034 She had to say, "My eyes are up here" to me three times. 231 00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:17,071 Well, maybe she was starting to look like those women at my gym 232 00:08:17,173 --> 00:08:19,507 whose boobs are like tube socks full of pocket change. 233 00:08:19,609 --> 00:08:21,876 Okay. I've seen Dr. Ellie. 234 00:08:21,978 --> 00:08:24,678 More like Ellie-vated. [Chuckles] 235 00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,480 You know, 'cause they've been... 236 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,215 [Clears throat] Screw you guys. 237 00:08:28,284 --> 00:08:30,584 And how about a moment of silence for poor Evelyn, 238 00:08:30,653 --> 00:08:32,553 who will never dump her mini peanut butter cups 239 00:08:32,622 --> 00:08:34,755 into a tub of popcorn ever again. 240 00:08:34,857 --> 00:08:36,323 Hi, ladies. 241 00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:38,492 Oh, hold on just one second there. 242 00:08:38,594 --> 00:08:40,194 [Gasps] Ooh. Okay. 243 00:08:40,263 --> 00:08:42,663 Oh, and here's a calorie-cutting tip for you: 244 00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,765 don't pour the salad dressing on. 245 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:47,167 Just dip the tines of your fork in it. 246 00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,403 Oh, thank you, Chloe. 247 00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:52,606 Now here's a life-extending tip for you: 248 00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:56,510 run, before I dip the tines of my fork into your eyeball. 249 00:08:56,612 --> 00:08:58,879 I understand you're angry with me 250 00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:01,682 because I was born with these perfect girl-next-door looks, 251 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:05,386 a dynamite metabolism, and I'm aging like Tom Cruise. 252 00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:06,387 [Chuckles] 253 00:09:06,489 --> 00:09:07,888 If that's her original face, 254 00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:09,890 then this isn't a seventeen-hundred dollar jean jacket. 255 00:09:09,992 --> 00:09:11,559 [Scoffs] 256 00:09:11,627 --> 00:09:14,461 This is a seventeen-hundred dollar jean jacket. 257 00:09:14,564 --> 00:09:15,896 I can't take this, guys. 258 00:09:15,998 --> 00:09:18,399 Chloe Brown Mueller is looking at everything that I do! 259 00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:21,101 If I order fruit, she's like, "Ooo, good for you," 260 00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:24,171 and if I order a waffle she's like, "Look who's holding on to her title!" 261 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:25,339 You can't let her get into your head. 262 00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,074 It's too late! She's stalking me. 263 00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:28,842 I might have to stop coming to Stewart and Kingston's. 264 00:09:28,945 --> 00:09:30,344 Whoa whoa whoa whoa, slow down. 265 00:09:30,446 --> 00:09:31,712 You can't quit this. 266 00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,847 I can't go back to having lunch with just my house manager. 267 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,115 Ugh! It's always like 268 00:09:35,184 --> 00:09:37,017 [high-pitched] "blah blah blah you don't pay me enough, 269 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:39,019 I have rights blah blah blah." 270 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,321 So what am I going to do? 271 00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:43,057 Well, you are clearly not gonna improve yourself, 272 00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,459 so to get her off your back you've got to find something 273 00:09:45,561 --> 00:09:47,061 that will tear her down to your level. 274 00:09:47,163 --> 00:09:48,295 Like what? 275 00:09:48,397 --> 00:09:50,464 Well, Doris is right. Chloe is from Westport. 276 00:09:50,566 --> 00:09:52,266 There is no way she hasn't had work done. 277 00:09:52,368 --> 00:09:53,467 There's got to be 278 00:09:53,569 --> 00:09:55,269 a janked-up before picture of her somewhere. 279 00:09:55,371 --> 00:09:57,871 - Mm. - We just have to find it. 280 00:09:57,974 --> 00:10:01,375 The doctor's hoping that my face won't reject my own ass fat. 281 00:10:03,999 --> 00:10:08,702 282 00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:10,530 Remember, we're not looking for Chloe Brown Mueller. 283 00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:13,093 We're looking for her real name, Wanda Wiggly. 284 00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:14,328 How'd you find that out again? 285 00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:16,831 I got a bunch of private information from her housekeeper 286 00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:18,199 and used it to blackmail Chloe 287 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,467 so that she wouldn't tell everybody 288 00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:21,635 that Anna-Kat stole a candlestick from her house. 289 00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:24,038 And, your legal name isn't Chloe Brown Mueller. 290 00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,105 It's Wanda Wiggly. 291 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,074 - Wig-lay! - For God's sakes! 292 00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:29,376 The hate you two have for each other is... 293 00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:31,745 ...inspiring. 294 00:10:31,814 --> 00:10:32,913 [Chuckles] 295 00:10:32,982 --> 00:10:35,549 Oh, my God. The "W" 's have been ripped out. 296 00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,952 Mm, suspicious. Check the index. 297 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:40,087 Wanda Wiggly was on the softball team 298 00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:42,022 and the yearbook committee. 299 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,392 [Gasps] Ugh! 300 00:10:45,461 --> 00:10:47,228 - Her face is X'ed out. - Ugh! 301 00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,830 Ah! Her faced is X'ed out here, too! 302 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,632 Clearly Chloe did this. 303 00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,767 - [Scoffs] - She must have had some punum. 304 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,171 Oh, my nanny Chava has been teaching me things. 305 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,607 Hmm. Okay. Oh, okay. Let's not give up. 306 00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:02,009 Look who's standing next to Chloe on the yearbook staff. 307 00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:04,178 - Eloise Paulson! - Who? 308 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,579 Dr. Ellie. Dr. Ellie! 309 00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:06,981 She was in class with Wanda Wiggly. 310 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,148 - Oh! - Oh! 311 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,817 She might have a copy of the yearbook in her office 312 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,018 that Chloe hasn't gotten to. 313 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,453 You have got to get your hands on it. 314 00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:16,223 Yeah, Dr. Ellie is not exactly a fan of mine right now. 315 00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:17,691 I'm just saying, Anna-Kat, 316 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,660 I'm sure Dr. Ellie, as an educator, 317 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,096 regrets how big her ta-tas turned out. 318 00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:23,197 I regret nothing. 319 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,598 It's the best thing I ever did. 320 00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:27,368 Uh-huh, okay, okay. 321 00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,469 Greg? 322 00:11:28,571 --> 00:11:29,603 No. 323 00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:30,771 I guess this means 324 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,140 I'm going to have to apologize to Dr. Ellie. 325 00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:34,975 I hate apologizing to people. 326 00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:37,244 It gives the impression that I have done something wrong. 327 00:11:37,313 --> 00:11:39,280 So let's just sneak into her office and grab the yearbook. 328 00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:40,347 Ah, I don't know. 329 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,916 Sometimes a heartfelt apology 330 00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,984 really clears out your whole energetic system. 331 00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:46,854 Ugh. Another reason you cannot quit Second Breakfast. 332 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,390 Then I'm stuck by myself listening to this farkakte nonsense! 333 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,357 [Chuckles] 334 00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,059 - Shut up, Doris. - You shut up. 335 00:11:52,104 --> 00:11:53,448 You're supposed to be quiet in a library. 336 00:11:53,518 --> 00:11:55,930 337 00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:56,931 [Humming] 338 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,299 Oh, hi. 339 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,671 I'm just putting the finishing touches on your office. 340 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:05,472 You moved everything into the foyer? 341 00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:08,075 Well, not everything. I had to put some stuff in the garage. 342 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,845 For a man you have a lot of knickknacks. [Chuckles] 343 00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:13,347 What are you doing home so early? 344 00:12:13,416 --> 00:12:16,216 I sometimes find it hard to work in my office at the university. 345 00:12:16,285 --> 00:12:17,785 Whenever I try to ignore my assistant, 346 00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,587 he thinks we're playing charades. 347 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,389 Writing in a notebook. 348 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:23,657 "The Notebook." 349 00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:24,558 Looking up. 350 00:12:24,627 --> 00:12:26,060 [Stammering] "Uptown Girl"! 351 00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:26,961 Angry. Angry. 352 00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,562 "12 Angry Men"! 353 00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:29,530 Okay. Walking away. 354 00:12:29,599 --> 00:12:30,564 "Walk..." "Walk the Line"! 355 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:31,765 I'm leaving for the day. 356 00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:32,733 Going. Gone. 357 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,368 "Gone with the Wind"! 358 00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:35,769 Yes, "Gone with the Wind." 359 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,639 We're quite the team! 360 00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:40,407 Greg, you really do need to learn 361 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,676 how to stand up for yourself. 362 00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,078 Now come help me spackle the walls 363 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,946 where your diplomas used to be. 364 00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:50,451 So, what do you think? 365 00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:58,659 366 00:12:58,761 --> 00:12:59,793 [Sighs] 367 00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:03,097 Kathryn... 368 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,665 You cannot move me out of my own office. 369 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,900 You're a guest and you've overstepped your bounds. 370 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,235 You're welcome to stay in this room 371 00:13:08,337 --> 00:13:10,237 when I'm at the office, and overnight. 372 00:13:10,339 --> 00:13:12,006 But the rest of the time it's mine. 373 00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:15,075 Okay. 374 00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:16,243 That's it? 375 00:13:16,312 --> 00:13:17,978 Well, yeah. I had no idea you felt that way. 376 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,313 You don't hate me? 377 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,582 I don't feel that strongly about you either way, Greg. 378 00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:22,683 Huh. 379 00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:25,052 I worked myself up in my head for no reason. 380 00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:27,755 If you'll pardon me, I have something I need to do. 381 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,058 So while I'm working, I can't be distracted 382 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,261 by coffee-delivering drones, charades, or Colonel Tidbits. 383 00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,864 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - [Hamster squeaking] 384 00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:37,865 Yeah. 385 00:13:39,702 --> 00:13:42,036 I gave you the best years of my life! 386 00:13:42,104 --> 00:13:44,104 Grant, you've been my assistant for six months. 387 00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:46,173 I broke up with my girlfriend 388 00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:47,941 to focus on us! 389 00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:56,617 [Objects clattering] 390 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:11,131 391 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,132 Gotcha, Wanda Wiggly! 392 00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:25,256 [Sighs] 393 00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,687 Angela, Doris! 394 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,525 [Door opens, closes] 395 00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:40,794 Mrs. Otto, what are you doing in here? 396 00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:43,864 Oh. I came here... 397 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,666 to... 398 00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:47,134 apologize. 399 00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:48,736 But you're alone in my classroom 400 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,537 in the middle of the day with the lights out. 401 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:54,231 [Chuckles] It is a surprise apology. 402 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,609 Surprise! 403 00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:56,777 Okay, then. 404 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,613 Oh. 405 00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:01,148 Dr. Ellie... 406 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,417 I was wrong... 407 00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:04,418 to judge you, 408 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,420 and I was even more wrong 409 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,922 to teach my daughter to judge you. 410 00:15:09,024 --> 00:15:11,225 That's right, you were very wrong. 411 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,826 [Sighs] 412 00:15:12,895 --> 00:15:16,330 You're the one who's always telling others not to judge you, 413 00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,832 and you turn around and judge me? 414 00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,601 You don't know what these looked like before. 415 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,603 One was going this way, one was going that way. 416 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,471 They had totally different agendas. 417 00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:26,840 And if I feel better about myself 418 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:28,675 when I wake up in the morning, 419 00:15:28,778 --> 00:15:30,644 how is that hurting you? 420 00:15:34,316 --> 00:15:35,749 It's not. 421 00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:42,990 I'm sorry... 422 00:15:43,092 --> 00:15:44,958 For real this time. 423 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,493 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 424 00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:47,861 [Breathes deeply] 425 00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:50,597 - Oh! - [Lamp clatters] 426 00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,100 I'm still getting used to these. 427 00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:56,036 [Sighs] 428 00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,604 [Objects clattering in distance] 429 00:15:57,673 --> 00:15:59,072 DR. ELLIE: Damn it! 430 00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:05,379 431 00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,080 How did you get her yearbook photo 432 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,682 printed on a cake so fast? 433 00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,083 Well, I have an account at this place. 434 00:16:10,152 --> 00:16:11,585 I used to print up dirty pictures of myself 435 00:16:11,687 --> 00:16:13,587 and then serve them up to Richard for dessert. 436 00:16:13,656 --> 00:16:14,822 - It was a phase. - Mm. 437 00:16:14,924 --> 00:16:16,056 Oh, okay. Here she comes. 438 00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:17,224 I can't wait for you 439 00:16:17,326 --> 00:16:19,026 to make that cake-hater eat her old face. 440 00:16:19,128 --> 00:16:20,027 [Laughter] 441 00:16:20,095 --> 00:16:22,696 So I got your text. 442 00:16:22,765 --> 00:16:24,498 You want to talk about plastic surgery? 443 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,666 I brought a Sharpie. 444 00:16:25,768 --> 00:16:27,801 We're gonna need to draw dotted lines everywhere. 445 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:28,869 It's not about me, Chloe. 446 00:16:28,938 --> 00:16:31,171 I know that you have had work done, 447 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,006 and I don't judge you for it. 448 00:16:33,108 --> 00:16:34,808 And I need you to be okay with me 449 00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:37,311 not wanting to change who I am. 450 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,346 Okay, "Chicken Soup for the Soul," 451 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,581 I have to say one thing, 452 00:16:40,683 --> 00:16:43,050 and that's I have never gotten work done. 453 00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:44,551 Chloe, I'm giving you a chance. 454 00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:46,486 To feel better about myself? 455 00:16:46,555 --> 00:16:49,790 Aww, Katie, you give me that every time I see you. 456 00:16:49,859 --> 00:16:50,924 Now, Katie! 457 00:16:51,894 --> 00:16:54,061 Evelyn seems happy. 458 00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,296 And ass-face looks pretty good. 459 00:16:56,398 --> 00:16:58,098 Good for you, ass-face. 460 00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:03,937 Chloe. 461 00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:05,439 Whatever you say. 462 00:17:07,176 --> 00:17:10,744 Katie Otto pushing a cake box away? 463 00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:12,980 I'm gonna have to go home and get my affairs in order 464 00:17:13,082 --> 00:17:14,648 before the apocalypse. 465 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,350 [Laughs] 466 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,784 Whew! 467 00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:19,319 Uh, why did you let her go? 468 00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,622 You had the perfect opportunity to humiliate her! 469 00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:24,224 Yeah, but what kind of person behaves like that? 470 00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:26,059 You do! All the time! 471 00:17:26,161 --> 00:17:27,794 Literally until this very moment! 472 00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,062 I'm not allowed to grow? 473 00:17:29,164 --> 00:17:31,965 Dr. Ellie made me realize 474 00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,166 that I have been acting 475 00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,335 just like one of these Westport housewives 476 00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:38,872 that make women feel bad about themselves. 477 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,108 And if I open up that cake box, 478 00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,340 I am no better than Chloe Brown Mueller. 479 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,114 Angela, don't be proud of me. 480 00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,348 Well, I'm disgusted with you 481 00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:49,883 if that makes you feel any better. 482 00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:52,486 What are we gonna do with this? 483 00:17:52,554 --> 00:17:55,522 I guess we are going to have to destroy the evidence. 484 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,192 ALL: Mmm! 485 00:17:59,261 --> 00:18:01,995 This cake is as good as she was ugly. 486 00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:04,598 [Groans] I am starving! 487 00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,434 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 488 00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:08,936 Looks like I'm going to be 489 00:18:09,038 --> 00:18:11,805 the second-fattest housewife again in no time. 490 00:18:15,644 --> 00:18:16,977 Oh, you were right. 491 00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:19,246 - [Door closes] - I talked to your mom. We're all good. 492 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,315 We're moving my stuff back in my office now. 493 00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:22,449 Mom? 494 00:18:22,551 --> 00:18:24,117 How are you... 495 00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:25,819 Oh, it's an old stewardess trick. 496 00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:27,254 Oh, if I had a dime 497 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,756 for every time I had to carry Anthony Quinn off a plane... 498 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:30,991 [Sighs] 499 00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,762 What the hell did you do? 500 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:36,997 I sucked on this bottle. 501 00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:38,632 It's a way to puff up your lips. 502 00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,634 They already banned kids from doing it in Australia, 503 00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,402 so you know it works. 504 00:18:45,007 --> 00:18:45,973 Are those socks? 505 00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:47,574 Did you stuff your calves? 506 00:18:47,676 --> 00:18:48,842 You don't know what it's like 507 00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:50,711 to be president of the Itty-Bitty Calf Committee. 508 00:18:50,813 --> 00:18:52,579 All right, I have had enough. 509 00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:53,914 Family meeting! 510 00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:01,296 Everyone has something about the way they look 511 00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:03,065 that they're not happy with, 512 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,599 and you can spend all your time 513 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,902 focused on that one thing, 514 00:19:07,004 --> 00:19:09,571 or you can accept it. 515 00:19:10,674 --> 00:19:12,140 But at the same time, 516 00:19:12,242 --> 00:19:14,009 people want to change their appearance 517 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,812 to make themselves feel better, like Dr. Ellie, 518 00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:18,347 they should. 519 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:21,475 I might not always agree with it 520 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,511 and I definitely don't want you guys doing it, 521 00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:26,613 but we are not going to judge them... 522 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,782 ...outside of this house. 523 00:19:28,884 --> 00:19:29,916 I fully agree. 524 00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:31,852 You should be comfortable with who you are. 525 00:19:31,954 --> 00:19:33,854 So you're gonna stop spraying that black stuff 526 00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:35,626 on your head to cover up your bald spot? 527 00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:37,724 - You know? - Everyone knows. 528 00:19:37,826 --> 00:19:39,793 Even me, and I don't know anything. 529 00:19:39,895 --> 00:19:41,460 You want to know what your nickname is? 530 00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:42,740 I feel like it's gonna be hurtful. 531 00:19:42,812 --> 00:19:44,981 - Baldilocks. - And it was. 532 00:19:49,025 --> 00:19:51,384 Greg, I am ready 533 00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,130 to start taking those walks again. 534 00:19:53,178 --> 00:19:55,529 Yes! Can I buy us some urban walking poles? 535 00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:57,098 No, you cannot. 536 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,869 Actually, we are all going to go together and show this town 537 00:20:01,971 --> 00:20:04,772 the thin-lipped, calfless, balding, 538 00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:07,007 voluptuous monsters that we really are. 539 00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:08,275 Mm. What about me? 540 00:20:08,377 --> 00:20:09,310 You're staying home. 541 00:20:09,378 --> 00:20:10,878 You look way too good for your age. 542 00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:19,053 543 00:20:19,722 --> 00:20:27,795 544 00:20:28,464 --> 00:20:37,138 545 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,474 I take you seriously. I will not dismiss you. 546 00:20:40,576 --> 00:20:45,880 547 00:20:45,942 --> 00:20:50,942 Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx